


Crazy

by justanotherbusyfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2019-09-07 09:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16851283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanotherbusyfangirl/pseuds/justanotherbusyfangirl
Summary: You have gotten tired of Sam always putting himself in harms way, so you decide to leave.





	Crazy

You slammed the motel room door, shoving your arms in your jacket as you walked to your car.  You were so angry that your hands were shaking as you fiddled with your keys, finally getting a grip on your car key and unlocking your car.  You had just gotten the door open when a large hand pulled you back, shutting your car door forcefully.

“You can’t just up and leave, Y/N!” Sam shouted at you, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

“Fuck you, Sam, I can do whatever I want,” you spat back, pushing him away from your car and reaching for the handle again.  He grabbed your wrist before you could touch it.

His other hand grabbed your other wrist, using his grip to maneuver you so that your back was against your car.  “You’ve got to talk to me.  I can’t read your mind, we need to talk,” he said, holding you still.  You glared up at him, anger bubbling up.

“I’m done talking, Sam. I need to go.  This has got to stop.”

Sam let you go at your words, a hurt look on his face.  “What do you mean, ‘this’?”  His voice had a slight tremble in it, and you realized what you had said.

A quiet chill fell over the two of you as you stared at each other.  You fiddled with your keys, trying to decide if your word vomit was actually how you felt, subconsciously.  Did you want to stop your relationship with Sam, or just the fighting?

Sam took your silence as its own declaration, the fact that you weren’t correcting or clarifying your statement meaning something to him.

“Y/N,” he started, unsure of what to say.  “Do you really want this,” he gestured between the two of you with one hand before continuing, “to end?  Is that what’s happening here?”

You looked down, unable to meet his eyes as thoughts tumbled through your brain.  Did you want this to end?  You’d been dating Sam on and off for years now, the off times only being because you had been hunting separately.  For the past two years or so, you had been hunting with the Winchesters, never leaving Sam’s side.  It was great for a while, until you realized how often Sam would put himself in danger during cases.

It was only after a dozen near-misses that you truly began to worry for him, wondering if he put himself in danger on purpose.

“I don’t know, Sam,” you answered honestly.  It was killing you how often Sam got hurt, and with the current case you were on, he was once again planning to use himself as bait, wagering with his own life. That was why you’d stormed out of the motel room, you’d been unable to keep your emotions in check in front of him and Dean.

Sam breathed out a ragged breath, moving to lean against your car beside you.  The warmth of his arm against yours was like a magnet, your body wanting to lean into his.

“This is crazy,” you breathed, trying to calm your mind so you could think straight.  Sam seemed to always have that effect on you – not letting your mind make clear decisions.  Maybe it was time for you to take a break from the Winchesters, see if you could deal with life away from them.

“What’s crazy, Y/N? The plan?  Or us?” Sam asked, wanting to understand your thoughts.

You shrugged.  “Both I guess,” you admitted.  “Sam, I’m tired of watching you use yourself as bait, getting injured during hunts for no good reason.  I can’t take it anymore, but you don’t listen to me.”

Sam started as if he were going to respond, but you kept talking before he could interrupt.

“I feel like the world around us is spinning and we’re just here hanging on.  Maybe I’m just the one who’s crazy, but maybe not.  Maybe I’m crazy for loving you, crazy for thinking that my love could hold you back from all of these rash decisions.  Maybe I’m crazy for trying, but I don’t think I can take watching you get hurt again.”

You looked up into Sam’s eyes, seeing how serious he was taking this.  “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore, Sam.”

With that, you couldn’t hold on any longer.  Tears began streaming down your face and emotions were let loose.  Sam’s arms wrapped around you, holding you as you cried. You could hear him sniffing too, knowing that there was a large possibility that you were breaking up with him right now.

A few minutes went by before you had calmed down, leaning away from him and wiping your eyes on your sleeve.  

“I’m just gonna go. Drive for a while.  See where my mind and the road takes me.”  This time when you reached for the car door, Sam didn’t stop you.  You looked up at him again before you opened it.  “I promise I’ll text you when I stop tonight, if I’m not coming back here.”

Sam nodded, accepting that you needed space.  You could tell that there were unshed tears in his eyes, but he was holding it in.

You opened the door and got in, rolling the window down.  “See you, Sam.”

His hand lifted in a wave, giving you a sad smile.  “Keep safe, Y/N,” he said quietly in response.

You looked up at him, seriousness seeping into your next words.  “You keep safe too, Sam.”

He nodded again, stepping away from the car and putting his hands in his pockets.  He looked so small in that moment, the sadness and grief of losing you (at least for the next few hours, but maybe forever) showing through his every pore.

Before you could change your mind, you pulled away from the motel, heading away on the highway.

Maybe getting away for a few hours would calm your emotions enough to go back.

Maybe it would just cement your decision that you and Sam needed to be done, for good.


End file.
